"You wake up with a naked Asakura Ryouko standing on top of you: what do you do?"

Start by grabbing her wrists. Whether she has a knife or not determines the next move.

"Her hands are firmly pressing you on your chest and shoulders. She doesn't seem to be hiding any knife or weapon nearby."

Lay back and accept it and if I died, so be it!

Good bye Kyon, it was nice knowing you, but at least you probably had a lot of fun right before shuffling off this mortal coil.

Do a barrel roll!

imo this is better way bo screw Haruhi, than to kill Kyon. You know, NTR and so on..
At least i suppose this will not upset Nagato... much)